Games Of Jealousy
by BlissfulCloud
Summary: Jade and Beck's relationship is in trouble, and it's all thanks to Tori Vega. Tori, terrified of being sliced by Jade's scissors, reflects on how it's come to this so soon after Jade and Beck reunite. Can Tori fix what she has wronged? Jori, eventually..
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:** All right guys, this is my first Victorious fic, so I dunno how good it may or may not be… I figured I would give you all a quick taste and feel of it to see how the prologue panned out. I kind of sorta know where this is going and even have more written up, in fact, I plan on continuing to write it until I have it complete.

The characters may or may not be OOC, I'm trying to get the hang of them, though Tori, Jade and Beck are going to be the main ones and for now, Tori seems to be the easiest POV to write, so I'm sticking with her for the story. This right now is pre Jori, because I feel if those two ever really got together in a romantic way, it sure as hell wouldn't happen over night. It's angsty and drama-ish, cause that's how I roll in my stories. Makes them more real I guess… But not to worry, I hate non-happy endings, so we'll see where this goes, you know, if you all are interested in reading more… ^.^

**Author:** BlissfulCloud

**Summary: **Jade and Beck's relationship is once again in trouble, and it is all thanks to Tori Vega. Tori, now terrified of being sliced to bits by Jade's scissors, reflects on how it has come to this so soon after Jade west and Beck Oliver reunite after a bad break up. Can Tori fix what she has wronged? Or will things crumble at her feet with no hope of the pieces being picked up this time a round?

**Pairing:** Bade, pre Jori

**Rating:** T for now

**Spoilers:** The first few episodes of season one for sure, but is AU after 'Jade dumps Beck.'

**Warnings:** Angst, Drama, and swearing. Nothing major really.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Victorious or the awesomely awesome characters.

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><p>Monday, May 15th, 11:00AM<p>

I have never felt more anxious and unnerved sitting in Mr. Sikowitz classroom. Ok, let me rephrase that… I have never felt more anxious and unnerved sitting close to Jade West in Mr. Sikowitz classroom. I can feel her icy glare penetrating right through me, making my heart freeze inside my chest, which, of course, isn't anything new. I am used to the feelings she evokes within me; fear, hurt, extreme sadness, want, yearning, disgust... at myself for even feeling anything in the first place and for letting her get to me when that is all she wants. Well, maybe not all… actually, come to think of it, she probably wants to kill me right about now. I can pretty much tell from the lasers shooting out of her intense, hatred filled, blue-gray eyes.

I would want to kill me too if I were her, I let Jealousy get the best of me and put her and Beck's recently renewed relationship in the line of fire. Now, I know what you are thinking, that while mending the tattered bond between them, I took the opportunity to become closer to Beck and win his affections. That I was jealous of Jade and what they had and seeing as they were broken up, I'd swoop in and pick up the hot little shattered pieces of Beck Oliver. But no, I was too busy picking up the beautiful little shattered pieces of Jade West. Truth be told, I didn't even like Beck when I first attended Hollywood Arts nor will I ever like him romantically for as long as I am here at this school. Or ever.

Jade West was whom I first set my eyes on.

And then she opened her cruel, heart destroying, mouth and cut me deep with only a few words, oh, and we mustn't forget how she turned me into a dog and then poured cheap, sludge coffee all over my head to 'get rid of my fur bugs.' That burned, and I'm not talking about the coffee either, what she did really hurt, hell, what she continues to do really hurts. So, why do I like her again? Oh yes, she is gorgeous, speaks her mind, can sing like a pro, is talented and artistic, witty, mysterious, and did I mention that she is fall to your knees, breathtakingly beautiful? I tried to ignore how I felt at first, and even managed to for a while because of how mean she is to me.

I mean, who wants to have a crush on someone who is mean to you on a daily basis?

I don't want to, I hate feeling this way, but she persists in worming herself inside my heart, burrowing deep with every ghost of a smile pointed my way, every laugh, rare touch, and hug. Though few and far between, they made me hope for something more, something deeper, even if it was just a friendship. Now? All I feel is regret and fathomless sorrow, because I destroyed any chance of anything between us without thought, without considering the fact that one or both of them could get hurt in my stupid, jealousy-filled game. It all started the week after Jade West and Beck Oliver made up and got back together with my reluctant - but willing to do anything for Jade - help. That was last week.

Let me start at the beginning,

***xXx***

Monday, one week ago.

I trudge out of bed unwillingly, a headache splitting my head in two and sore, puffy, eyes from crying all weekend making it hard to find motivation. I somehow manage to force myself to take a shower, dress, eat a slice of toast for breakfast, and then heavily plop in Trina's car in record time. Somewhere along the line though, I lose sense of time, because Trina is now parked at school and I have no idea when we got here. I don't remember the drive here. My mind just feels so heavy and loaded with mental and physical pain, that it is unbearable. I thought making Jade happy again would make me… less sad, but all seeing she and Beck kissing did, was make me sick.

On top of that, I had to walk home after everything was all said and done.

I was an idiot to think Jade would change any just because I helped her. I had hoped, God, did I hope and pray things would be at least slightly different. She came to me, Tori Vega, her worst enemy (besides Trina, and Sinjin…) pleading, crying, and vulnerable. To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement of the history, but who was I to turn down my high school crush, the girl that I have been longing after ever since the very first day? I couldn't find it in me to say no and kick her out, and no matter how badly I knew helping would tear me up, I put her happiness first, which is what you do for the one you love. But really, how pathetic am I?

I bet when she is alone, she laughs at me, mocks me in her evil lair while cutting up something of mine that she no doubtedly stole.

"You're quiet." I jump 10 feet in the air, Trina's loud voice scaring the chiz out of me.

Trying to get my heart under control, I look to her; she is already gazing at me with narrowed eyes, searching my face. I know that look, it's the one where if it were anyone else, they would think that she is annoyed and is judging them while trying to figure out what the hell is wrong, so she can then blabber on about her self to make you look bad. Thing is, I'm not anyone else. I am me, Trina Vega's sister, and she knows me better than anyone. She isn't judging me, but she is searching, eyeing my expression to figure out what mood I am in.

"I-I have a migraine." I whisper, glancing away from the only eyes that can see straight through me.

"You have been quiet all-"

A sharp knock on my window cuts off her response and makes me cringe at the sound, head pounding too much to bear any loud, sudden, noises. I whine softly and turn my head, cracking an eye open to see who is bothering us. Of course, it's Cat, who else? She has her usual face-splitting smile on, and her eyes are twinkling in the sun. The ditzy, very random, very boisterous girl is no doubt beautiful. If I were not so obsessed with Jade, then I wouldn't hesitate to chase after the totally straight, boy crazy, red head. But, you see, thing is,

I am obsessed.

I sigh and motion for her to move, she skips backwards with that smile still planted on her face, and I open the door, finally getting out.

"Hii!" She greets me in her high-pitched voice and waves at us excitedly.

Trina rolls her eyes as she slams her door shut, but I can tell she isn't angry at Cat, but at being interrupted in general. She gives me a 'we'll talk later' look before striding away. My eyes dart from her to Cat; I smile at my exuberant friend and throw my arm around her shoulders as we follow Trina to the front entrance, "Hey, Kitty Cat"

"Hii!" She giggles and squeezes me closer. She is the most affectionate one out of our group, "Did you hear about Beck and Jade? They're back together!"

My body stiffens up, it is their fault that I've been quiet all weekend; they are to blame for my tears and for the head-splitting migraine.

I was the first to know because I tried to help, but now I wish I didn't know at all, "Yeah, I-"

"Oh! Humpty dumpty sat on a wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall, all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put humpty together again! Oh. Wait, I know, they're like a, a… shadow! You can only see your shadow in the right light, but even when you're apart; it is always with you. You just have to wait for the right time to be together again!" Well, Some of that seemed to make sense. That was a pretty good metaphor, you know, the shadow, not humpty dumpty. Ok, so I'd prefer the latter.

Except, maybe not, because I shouldn't think like that. I shouldn't want them to fall apart and then not be able to be put back together again.

I don't say anything; I can't even find the will to force a fake smile, so I nod along as we dig through our lockers. As soon as I tiredly shut the metal door and turn around, I am met with Beck leaning against Jade's locker, with said owner pecking his lips several times in a row, almost as if she can't get enough, but doesn't want to deepen the kisses either. What little is left of my spirit falls to the germ infested floor at my feet, face and heart crumbling simultaneously. When I peer over at them again, Beck is watching Jade leave the scene, and then his eyes catch mine and he smiles. I smile back, he nods and mouths 'Thank you', in which I don't respond to with the customary you're welcome, instead, I wink.

He laughs, shakes his head and then pushing himself off the row of lockers, stuffs his hands in his pockets and goes after his girlfriend. I track him until my eyes land on a scowling Jade; I flinch at the intensity of that one look alone. Did she see me wink at her reunited boyfriend? Or is she just being the normal Jade West who glares at me for everything I do?

Again, I prefer the latter, because I just winked at Beck Oliver and if she saw that, then there is no telling what else she will do to me.

The rest of the day is pretty normal and uneventful, you know, if you call me staring at Jade every chance I got and then regretting it when she caught me more than once, giving me her patented 'wtf' look; normal. The few times she did catch me, Beck was always with her, so I am assuming she really is wondering what the fuck is going on with me. I'd hate for her to think I want her man and give her reason to hate me more, Jade with her precious scissors are one of the scariest things to cross my imagination.

I'm walking toward my locker at the end of the day, pearphone in hand while I update my status on the slap; I need to get out how I feel. I reread what I wrote; making sure it is ok to post, but looking back over it? Not something I should tell the whole world. I can picture all the questions that will be thrown my way, not to mention the looks from a certain raven-haired beauty. I shake my head, seriously, how dumb could I be? Changing my mind quickly, I move to hit the back button when I collide with something very solid, making me fly backwards with a gasp and then a pained groan as I land, hard, on said germ infested floor. My phone also flies out of my hand, it lands beside me and slides to the middle of the hallway.

"God, Vega, watch where you're going!" I jerk my head up towards the raven-haired girl invading my very thoughts.

Jade is sending me a withering glare from her spot sprawled out on the floor in front of me, her own phone lying not far from mine.

"I'm not the only one who wasn't paying attention, West." I attempt to snark at her, even using her last name like she does with me. If I don't make myself stand up to her, then I know I'll end up stumbling over my words, bursting into to tears, and running away from sheer humiliation.

I cannot let her see that she gets to me the way she does, or she'll just have more ammunition to use against me, which would effectively shatter my heart for good.

"Yeah, Well, you should know to always watch where I'm going." She grumbles as she stands with the help of the lockers, then as if nothing happened, strides over to our phones. To my surprise, she picks both of them up, making me furrow my eyebrows, because any other time she would have left it there. No, she would have kicked it further away.

Then to my horror, she starts messing with mine, I stand up so fast I wobble back into the lockers, but use them to push off and launch myself at her. She sidesteps and I miss her by inches, instead, falling face first 'back' onto the solid, tile. My hands come down automatically to break the fall, but it's too late, my nose and mouth meet the unbreakable floor with an unwanted kiss, making me hiss out and roll over. Tears well up as I bring my hand up to cover my stinging face, however, before I can reach my destination, fingers wrap around my hand and yank it away. My eyes snap open at the unexpected touch, and then they widen when I see Jade kneeling beside me with my hand in hers while she inspects my nose with the other.

"Oww!" I holler as she twists my nose a little too hard, pain shooting through it at the now not so gentle touch.

"Shut up, cry baby. It isn't broken." She rolls her eyes, lets go of my hand (I miss the surprisingly warm touch already) and then stands back up.

I glare up at her, but hold my hand out so she can help me back to my feet, she just eyes it as if it is some kind of foreign object, "Can you help me up?"

She scoffs and oh, there is another eye roll, "No."

My mouth flaps open at the abrupt, cool, answer, and then stays open when she tosses my phone on my stomach and proceeds to walk away.

"Jade!" I call out, after gaining back the ability to speak, and then sit up, phone now in hand.

"Tori!" She mocks me, never breaking stride down the deserted hallway, she does however, raise her arm up in the air, and then her middle finger.

_I'd love for you to, if you would just give me a chance. _

Ok, well, first I would want to make love, I am a virgin after all… and then when the mood struck, we could fu-

"By the way, you busted your lip!" Her last words before I lose sight of her, cuts off my so, so very wrong train of thought.

I lick my bottom lip to see if she was telling the truth, then wince as my tongue runs across a raised, bleeding cut.

Why do I even put up with her? Why do I have to feel the way I do, to someone who hates me with every fiber of their being? Liking someone should not be this way, it is pretty much worse than a normal crush on a straight girl, because at least then, being around her wouldn't normally cause you physical and mental pain. Just heartache that will go away until you find a girl who is like you, who likes other girls, no, one who will like 'you.' A girl who will not find everything you do or say annoying and mock you for it. A girl who doesn't cut you down, say that they hate you on a regular basis, and then threaten you even more. Jade is not only straight and taken, but my bully. You aren't supposed to fall in love with your bully.

But, God doesn't like to make things easy though, now does he? Despite what I'm not supposed to want and despite what is deemed right or wrong, I want Jade west more than anything. I want her to not hate me, I want her to open her eyes and see me. I want her to want me. _Yeah, like that will ever happen._ Even if we were the last people on the planet, stuck on an Island, she wouldn't touch me with a 10-foot pole. She'd more than likely kill me with a pair of scissors that she smuggled somewhere on her body, and then would use me as bait.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

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><p><strong>AN 2:** If you have made it this far, thank you for reading! If you feel so inclined, feel free to express your thoughts, good, bad, or in between.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thank you guys for the feedback, I'm glad at least some of you seem interested so far :D The reviews/alerts/favorites I got are much appreciated. Hope the update is quick enough for you and I hope you all like it ok. Trina is OOC in this, I wanted her to be more 'caring' instead of so self centered as they make her on the show, figured I'd give her just a little more depth than that..

I still don't own Victorious. Please enjoy, or you know, try to.

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><p>Tuesday, 7:30AM<p>

I blink and just about gouge my eyes out as I rub them of the hallucination I know I must be having, because there is no way that my status update on the slap says what I think it says, there is no way that I hit send yesterday when Jade and I ran into each other. Right, it's just a nightmare; this is not real. I take a deep breath, and then open my eyes, expecting to wake up. Oh, God. This is real. The words are right in front of my face,

_Tori Vega:_

_Knowing that the one you want is already taken and happy in a relationship that is not with you; is the worst feeling ever._

_Feeling: Crushed D__:_

My breathing quickens as my heart skyrockets in dread, so much so, that I can't push myself to read any of the many comments left. I slam my laptop closed and push it away from me, feeling sick with fear. Has Jade seen it? What if she saw it when she was messing with my phone yesterday? No, she would have made it known if she saw those fateful words; I would probably be dead, because she would no doubtedly think of her boyfriend first. And now? I'm going to die today for sure. She knows, she has to know, Jade checks the slap as much as any of us, and surprisingly, she is one out of a million fans that I have.

I still can't believe she accepted my friend request. Weird.

I am so dead. I can picture her killing me, and then bringing me back to life just to kill me again. One or both of those deaths will be slow and torturous.

"Hey, sista! Time to go, so get your ass in gear and-what's wrong?" I startle at Trina's loud voice, but otherwise, don't react other than to swallow the growing lump in my throat.

"I-nothing." I croak out, almost saying something, and then choose not to.

Trina may be more caring to me than she lets on, but I am not willing to risk how far her love goes for me. How would she react to having a gay sister? Would she take it in stride and help me through it? Or would she look at me in disgust and never want anything else to do with me? I don't think I could handle that, not from her.

Therefore, I keep quiet.

"So, you sound like a dying frog for 'nothing'? Something has been bothering you all weekend, and now it's already Tuesday. What gives?" Yeah, I didn't think she would actually believe me, but what other choice did I have? The one where I say how I feel and then end up losing her? No way, I cannot tell Trina, not now.

Not ever.

"My throat is a little sore; I think I may be getting sick. Come on, let's go or we'll be late for school." I mumble out a reply as I rush past her and downstairs.

I am out the door and in the car before she is even one-step out of the house, which makes me realize I probably just made it worse for myself, because she is going to know something else is up. Hell, she probably didn't believe me anyway, it's not as if I've been hacking, coughing or sneezing all weekend or anything. She yanks her door open and all but throws herself into the car; and no, she isn't so much as angry as she is…hurt. We talk…a lot…when it is just us, about anything and everything. Like, I know she is mostly the way she is to the outside world - and sometimes to the inside as well - because she is insecure and doesn't know how not to be. All she wants is someone to see something special inside of her.

She is jealous of me.

I have the looks, the talent, the friends, and they all come naturally. I get them without having to ask, and she has to work so hard to achieve anything. (Not that she isn't beautiful to me, you know, because she is..) But, she acts out to try to make people like her, when in reality, it does the opposite, and she turns them away instead. I am trying to work on that, I've told her to tone it down on the self-love or else she will never find a true friend because they all think she believes that she is better than they are. I know for a fact, that she honestly doesn't think like that, but the way she handles things to garner the attention she craves, well, other people don't want anything to do with her. As soon as we're in the parking lot, Trina cuts the engine, unbuckles, and then turns to face me,

"Why won't you talk to me?"

My jaw clenches and I look away to peer out the window, not being able to face her as I lie through my teeth, "There's nothing to talk about."

I can't wait around to see the hurt and frustrated look I know is now on her face, so I open the door, hurry out, and then not looking back, I speed away before she can ask any questions. This is hard, lying and withholding information from my one and only sister, but I also know that it has to be done in order to preserve our relationship. Things will go back to normal before the week is over. It'll kill me seeing Jade and Beck together, however, for my own sanity; I will have to learn to live with it just as I have done since the beginning. Trina and I will be okay, she will never have to know anything about this, things will blow over in no time, and then we will be the same old Trina and Tori Vega. Everything is okay; I just need time.

The end of the week will just have to be enough time.

I'm at my locker when Trina tornadoes by in a huff and to her own with not even one glance in my direction, I know this because all I can do is stare over at her, sadness plaguing me for not only one reason, but now for two. I can be such a bitch sometimes. It's for her own good though, because if she knew that I was different, then it could ruin everything. I have to protect us. I have to. I finally glance away, stash what I don't need in my locker, and then shut it back. Andre and Robbie walk over to me, both smiling while Rex - as always - leers in my direction.

"What's up, Tor?" Andre greets me as he leans against the lockers, which then sends my mind straight to the scenes from yesterday.

Both of which I could have done without… However, Jade kissing Beck had to be the hardest to get through, not mine and Jade's encounter.

Ok, so, that was hard too.

Something tells me that today will be the most painful.

"Hey, guys." I greet them back, though a little less cheery.

Now is a great time to put my acting skills to use. I paint a fake smile on my face, hoping they will buy it, because I seriously don't need my sister 'and' friends bombarding me with a thousand questions, questions there is no way I can answer right now. Or ever. Maybe if the situation was different, I could talk to them about it, but since this thing with Jade is not going to go anywhere, there is no point in me opening up about something I cannot do anything about. I sigh and glance at them, only to find both already looking at me expectantly.

"So, no one is going to bring up the gigantic elephant in the room, then?" Rex pipes up in the awkward silence as he looks from me, to Andre and then to Robbie.

I glare at him and cross my arms, but otherwise, say nothing. It's apparent they saw my status on TheSlap and now want to know whom I was talking about. I've thought about telling Andre once or twice, when things got to be too much for me, or really, when Jade got too hard to be around without wanting to throw myself at her feet and beg her to love me. I, of course, would never stoop so low, I respect myself more than that. Doesn't mean that I don't think of other ways to confess my feelings, none of which I will ever do though.

Talking to Andre is out of the question.

"Jade finally bitched slapped you, huh?" Rex inquires as he moves into my face and hones in on my busted lip.

"Rex! Jade wouldn't actually hit her! Right?" Robbie gasps and covers his puppets mouth, reprimanding him.

He didn't sound so reassuring, though. I don't blame him for hesitating; I too am not so sure Jade wouldn't ever hit me.

"Come on, muchacha, tell us who it is." Andre beckons me quietly, ignoring the rest of the conversation with curiosity all over his face and in his voice.

Yeah, we are not talking about my lip anymore.

"Please, we all know who it is. Whose boy toy has she been pining after from the very first day?" Rex butts in with a scoff, thinking as always, that he knows everything.

"Why, yes, I do believe we all know who." I gasp and swivel around with wide, horror-filled eyes, to find said boy toy's girl standing behind us.

"Question is, Vega-"

"Oh! T-The bell! Gotta go!" I cut her off as the first bell rings, then high tail it out of there as fast as possible.

What I forgot though, is that Jade and I share almost every class, including first period. She storms in the room as soon as I sit in my usual seat, and then drops heavily beside Cat with the most furious, withering expression, I have ever seen on her face, and that is saying something. During the lesson, I can practically feel her piercing, fixed, gaze melting a hole in the back of my head; I try not to glance back at her. It isn't easy, because all I want to do is get up, march over there and beg her to believe that I don't want her boyfriend, but her. I doubt that would make things any better or easier for that matter. She hates me and probably always will. I feel that I will never be good enough in her eyes, but all that does is make me want to try harder.

The next few periods are all filled with hard stares, questioning eyes, and not so subtle hand gestures from an irate Jade West. Beck notices the extra tension between us right off and even bravely decides to sit beside me in Mr. Sikowitz class, which we are in now. Jade isn't in yet and I keep glancing toward the door, waiting for her to burst in, spot us, and then hurl herself at me with her hands out to clamp around my neck. Beck raises his brow at me, also noticing that I am jittery and distracted. I mean, who could blame me though? Jade is terrifying.

"Tori?" I sigh, looking away from the door and over to Beck again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry, I've just been feeling a little sick since last weekend." I shrug, mumbling out a white lie. I Might as well feed the same lie to him as I did to Trina.

The one thing I have learned about lying is always remember what you said and make sure to tell it exactly the way you did the first time.

Not that I lie often or anything, mostly just when it affects my mortality.

"It's just, Jade has been killing you with her eyes more than usual… Did something happen?" He nods while stating the obvious, but ignores the lie, not buying it.

I close my eyes to hide in my panic room, then locking it up tight, I re-open my eyes, features now schooled into a fake, reassuring, smile,

"No, your girlfriend just hates me, doesn't matter if anything happens or not."

He apparently hasn't looked on TheSlap yet, or he would have guessed what was wrong.

He sighs and runs a hand through his awesome hair, and then using his other hand, lays it over mine comfortingly, "Tori-"

"Really, Vega? You couldn't wait, could you? God, I really hate you." My head snaps in Jade's direction and I curse myself for missing her entrance.

And then her words sink in. My face falls, I tear my eyes away from her murderous expression, and they then land on Beck's hand still over mine. He sighs yet again, and instead of jerking his hand away like I know I would have, he removes it calmly and looks over at his enraged girlfriend with unguilty eyes. I can't look at her again, because if I do and end up seeing the unveiled hatred in her eyes, I will not be able to hold back the hurt. I'll run. It's what I do when she becomes too much for me to handle, too mean and hurtful. It is times like this, that I hate how I feel about Jade, or how 'she' makes me feel really. It isn't fair. I didn't ask for these damn mushy feelings, but I still have them regardless, and there is nothing I can do.

I would ignore her if I could, but that is kind of hard when we see each other five days a week. If only she and Beck weren't toge-no, I can't think like that, it isn't as if she would suddenly like me just because she would be free to date whomever she pleases. I have to remember that she is straight, already in love, and that I am far from her type. Hell, I'm beginning to think that Beck is her 'only' type.

Nothing else is said, in fact, the only sound is the quiet murmur of Mr. Sikowitz talking to himself over on the small stage. I tense in wait, expecting Jade to come around and demand an explanation of what she just walked in on, but I don't dare turn or cut my eyes to see if she is anywhere near me. I am bound to turn my head just to end up impaling my eyeball on one of Jade's infamous pairs of scissors. I do not feel like being stabbed today, especially by her. Never by her. Maybe one day instead of wanting to kill me, she will want to protect me.

One can only hope, pray and beg.

I don't have to turn around anyway; I can feel her presence behind me, it tickling the back of my neck, and her hard stare causing the hairs there to stand on end. The tickling intensifies into a burning sensation until I feel hot breath flurry across my exposed neck and ear. A shiver fights its way through my body, but I suppress it with all the will I can muster up, which really isn't all that much, but it's enough.

"We will have words, Vega." Jade's harsh, angry, voice in my ear, makes me flinch and clench my hands into fists at my sides.

Her words aren't a threat, they are a promise, and they have me absolutely terrified beyond belief.

Her presence starts to fade, along with the burning, until I can't feel anything other than the flush she left me with for two very different reasons. Number one being that I am scared, and number two being that I am also hyper aware that she was not only so very close to me, but that she breathed along my sensitive skin and almost made me shiver in response. Becoming aroused probably isn't normal in this situation is it? Yeah, most definitely not. I don't know when she is going to strike next, and I really don't want to know, however, I want to get the confrontation over with so she can go back to hating me from afar.

I don't want her hating me at all, but her hating me up close hurts far more. I only hope that there will be witnesses when she breaks into my panic room and destroys all that's left to keep one Jade West out. Maybe today isn't such a good day.

I don't see Trina again until it is time to leave, and by then, she is already sitting in the running car waiting for me. I quietly get in and buckle up, not sure if I should even say anything right now, there is no need to incur her wrath further. I can tell that she still isn't happy with me withholding my feelings and thoughts from her. The ride back home is so tense, that the only thing capable of slicing through it would be a chainsaw. I don't think a knife would do the job. Maybe I should say something… but what?

"Did… did someone h-hit you?" Trina beats me to it, obviously not being able to handle the thick tension either.

Her question catches me off guard, but the way she asks it, is what really pains me. I've only heard her voice this small sounding a handful of times when she has been truly vulnerable. I don't like it, at all. I lick my dry lips and look over at her to try to explain what happened, however, I am having trouble finding the words to answer her worry.

"You aren't saying anything. Oh, God, someone hit you? W-Who? Tell me who hurt you!" Her eyes are wide and on me as she stutters and yells out disbelievingly.

The car swerves dangerously to the other side of the road, right into oncoming traffic, "Trina!" I scream at her and jerk the wheel, making us lurch back onto our side of the road as the car we almost hit lays on their horn. My heart catapults up my throat and tries to race away from my body; I can hear it pounding loudly in my ears as my chest heaves for breath.

"T-Trina, no one hurt...me. I fell at...school...and the floor broke...my fall." I wheeze out, trying to explain the best I can while sucking in air.

I feel like throwing up.

"Oh. Are you sure? You know that you can tell me anything, and if there is some about to be seriously dead person laying their hands on my baby sister-"

"I'm sure. And while I appreciate you wanting to kick ass for me, I don't have a lunatic, secret boyfriend that's abusing me, so just drop it, okay?" I cut her off, feeling both touched and restless, because if she found out the real reason I fell and then connected the dots, I will be up shit creek without a paddle.

Alone.

"Okay. So… do you want to talk to me now? Or are you still using the sick excuse?" She manages to sound hopeful, worried, and irritated all at once.

I think about continuing with said sick excuse, but then think better of it because she doesn't believe me anyway.

"I-I can't." I shake my head negatively and look away, knowing that she will be hurt yet again.

"Why? Tori, we talk about everything!" Her irritation is just about overriding the hurt, which means I have to say something that will sink in.

"Not about this. I'm sorry, Trina, but I can't. Please, just drop this too, okay?" I beg her, needing for my words to sting, so that she won't ask again.

She growls as we pull in the driveway, and then hits the steering wheel in frustration and anger. Hurt.

"I don't understand." She whispers, eyebrows furrowed, and then before I can reply, she opens the door, gets out and then slams it shut.

I watch her practically stomp away, tears streaming down my conflicted face.

Yeah, tomorrow is a new day, one where I will hopefully know what the hell to say to both Jade and my sister.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Ok, guys, this is what was left of what I already have written, so chapter 4 probably won't come as quickly. I do hope this will suffice for now at least, and not to worry, I will be writing as much I can in between getting over a cold and will hopefully have something up sometime soon. You know, if you all are still interested?

Thanks for the review last chapter, and all of the alerts/favorites! ^.^

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Victorious, just this story, no matter how crappy it may or may not be..

**Warnings:** A little underage drinking, and of course, a few curse words here and there.

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><p>Wednesday, 7:10AM<p>

"Tori, honey, Trina said she couldn't take you to school today." My mother's voice filters through the bathroom door as I finish drying off.

I sigh, pout, and then rest my head on the wall beside me, "Can you or Dad take me then?"

"Your father got a disturbing call this morning, he left at 4AM. And I have to leave in ten, so unless you can be ready by then, you will have to call one of your friends." She replies, sounding like she feels bad, which I hope she does, because though I love my parents dearly, they never take me to school.

It is the least they could do until I get my own car. My driving license has been sitting idle in my wallet for three months now, just waiting to be used. Trina never let's me drive her car, but maybe one day I'll eventually convince (bribe) her to let me drive it. I sigh again, hating how things are between us, I know Trina could have taken me, she just didn't want to.

"Tori? I need to know what you're doing." Mom knocks me out of my depressing thoughts.

"I'll call Andre; I don't think I'll be ready in ten minutes." I let her know resignedly while throwing my clothes on.

"All right, I will be home by the time you get out of school, have a good day!" She replies loudly, walking away from the door, I just shake my head and smile.

I do love my mother. Maybe we can hang out when I get home. It's always good spending time with her and…Trina.

On the other hand, maybe I'll just lock myself in my room.

I walk out and head to my room, then swipe my PearPhone from the nightstand. I punch in Andre's number and then wait for him to answer,

"Hey, chica."

"Good morning, best friend of mine!" I sing song, hoping to butter him up first.

"You must need a ride." He chuckles knowingly.

"I would give you one, but my car is in the shop until Friday, so Grandma is taking me today and I'd rather not have her take any detours, you know how panicky she is." Oh, yes, know I do. That woman is ten different kinds of crazy, so I don't blame him.

"That's ok, I'll call Cat. See you later." I tell him with a shrug, but then roll my eyes at myself when I realize that he can't see it.

"Cool. You know that girl would do anything for you." He chuckles again, teasing me, which makes me roll my eyes again.

He is right though, Cat and I are best friends, and we'll both do anything for the other. I agree with him and then hang up to call her, Just thinking of my bubbly friend brings a huge smile to my face. Yeah, she may be 15 different kinds of crazy, and yes, she may get under our skin sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Cat would not be Cat if she changed. Though, I do wonder why she is the way she is… Sometimes I think about asking her, but then I get too scared of how she will react. Cat is sensitive like a bomb, one wrong move, and she blows up. Maybe one day I will gain the nerve to talk seriously with her, until then, I'll accept the way she is without question. I will love the energetic redhead no matter what anyway.

"Hi, Tor." Cat's usual high-pitched voice comes out low and small, I frown, instantly alarmed.

"Hey, Kitty Cat, you feeling all right?" I greet and ask, needing to make sure.

"No, not really." She replies with what sounds like a stuffy nose. Great, Cat is sick.

"You're sick aren't you?" I ask, but already know the answer.

"Mmhm, I had a fever of 102, but it's gone down some. My brother got sick while-"

"If you're sick, you need to rest your voice, okay? I hope you feel better soon." I interrupt, not wanting her to start a story with her voice being so strained.

"Kay kay. Bye, Tori. Love you." She mumbles drowsily, pretty much already back to sleep even before we've hung up.

"I love you too." I tell her affectionately and then hang up with a drawn out sigh.

What am I supposed to do now? The only ones left are Robbie, Beck and… Jade. I would rather walk then call her, but only because she would probably drive us out to the middle of nowhere, kick me out of the car, and then leave me stranded. That is if she would even entertain the idea of picking me up. So, no. Robbie would be the safer option, except, he walks to school, as he lives the closest. Beck is a dangerous option, but the only other one available. Beck it is then. I swiftly dial his number and wait with bated breath,

"Sup, Tori?" He picks up on the third ring, sounding in good spirits so far.

"Hey um n-not much. I was uh calling to ask a favor?" I manage to get out nervously, heart racing because I don't know if Jade is with him.

"Sure, what's up?" He asks curiously, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Well, it seems as if I am stuck without a ride to school… I was hoping-"

"I'll be there in 15." He laughs, much like Andre did, but this time, I actually get a yes.

"Thanks, I owe you one." I laugh along with him, mine coming out more in relief than in actual humor.

He chuckles before saying bye and hanging up. I toss my phone on the bed and then quickly go finish getting ready. I5 minutes later the doorbell rings, I check myself out once more before nodding in approval and then running downstairs to answer the door. Beck is leaning against the wall, a cup of coffee in hand. He smiles at me and hands it over; I take it with a surprised thank you and searching eyes for a crazed girlfriend to come charging from around the corner or even from the bushes. When I don't spot her, I shut the door and follow after him.

Before opening his truck door, I casually glance in the bed to make sure she isn't hiding.

"Relax, she isn't with me." I startle at Beck's amused voice and meet his eyes with a growing blush.

I say nothing, too embarrassed to form any type of response. Guess I was more obvious than I thought. I should probably work on that. I hop in, buckle up, and then take a sip of the coffee he bought me. Mmm… piping hot white chocolate. It isn't what I usually get, but it is one of my favorites, so I smile at him in appreciation, "Thanks again for the coffee."

"No problem, I figured you would need it since your morning so far seems to be shitty." Aww man, why does he have to be so nice and observant?

He makes it so much harder for me. I feel so guilty already for falling in love with Jade and the guilt just intensifies when Beck is nothing but sweet and doting.

"Yeah, it really has been." And it is about to get a whole lot shittier.

As soon as he pulls into the school, I see Jade propped against her car with her arms crossed, no doubt waiting for Beck. Eyes narrow in on me when we are parked beside her. My heart freezes in fear and then starts back up before picking up speed. She frowns, looking confused and hurt for a split second before her face goes blank and then furious,

"Uh, Beck? You didn't tell her you were picking me up?" I ask him through wide, frightened eyes.

"Um, no. Don't worry; her bark is worse than her bite." He laughs out unconvincingly, eyes shifting from mine to behind me.

"Maybe for you! O, God, she is going to kill me!" I panic, honestly scared for my life.

"No she won't, she's just… possessive and uber jealous. But there is nothing going on between us, so why would she literally hurt you?" He again tries to reassure me.

It doesn't work.

"Because she hates me! And I hate it! I just wish, all I-I want is for her to lo-like me." I hiss at him, words spewing from my mouth without permission.

Continuing to panic, I whirl around and shove the door open, right into Jade west. It hits her torso and knocks her back, I gasp, and against my better judgment, I hurry out of the truck to check on her and apologize, "Jade, I am so sorry! Are you okay?"

Instead of answering, she clenches her jaw and her fists before wrenching the coffee cup out of my hand. My face loses its concern and switches to a scowl, I know what is coming and again, against my better judgment, I stand my ground and dare her with my eyes to do what I know she is about to do. I see Beck watching us out the corner of my eye, he too seems to know what Jade is doing and is walking over to her as he tries to talk her down from throwing the cooling, but still hot coffee in my face. Her eyes never leave mine. I step closer, a dark look spreading across my face, a dark look akin to dark humor, humor where it really isn't funny at all.

"Do it." I urge her, eyes darting from her to the coffee.

"What? Jade, no." Beck protests confusedly, eyes also flittering between the coffee and us.

"It's ok, Beck. Let her show me how she really feels." I tell him as I lay a reassuring hand on his muscled arm.

Jade's hard eyes follow the movement before landing back on me with so much hate that I shudder on spot. An evil smirk quirks her lips up and she flicks the lid off the cup, Beck tenses beside us, and I hold ground, not giving her the satisfaction of running away like a scared little bitch. It's not the coffee that is going to hurt the most anyway. I would rather feel the burn of the hot liquid, than the burn of Jade's sharp words and gaze. She takes a few steps to close the distance between us and lifts the cup higher, getting ready to strike.

"Jade, stop. If you do this, I'm not going to talk to you until you fix it." Beck tries once more to stop her, but I don't think she cares.

I gasp and close my eyes as the scalding coffee is thrown over my head, not wanting it to burn them. The light brown liquid travels down my hair, face, favorite shirt, and then within seconds I am flushing with heat, wet, and sticky. And not in the good way. Tears spring to my closed eyes, but I refuse to let them fall until I can get to the bathroom. I hear Beck's truck door open and slam shut, making me think that he is leaving because Jade didn't listen to him. I don't blame the guy if he were to leave; I know I would have if I were him.

"You're treading on thin ice, Vega. You and me? We're gonna have us a little conversation-"

"Back off, Jade! Don't you think you've done enough?" Beck cuts her off angrily, coming to my defense.

I feel something soft on my face; it rubs gently over my eyes and clears my skin of the excess coffee residing there.

"No, it'll never be enough for her." I answer in the expanding silence while peeking one of my eyes open.

I catch Jade stalking off before she rounds the corner and disappears into the school, "Thanks, Beck. I'm going to go finish up in the bathroom."

He nods and tries giving me a small smile, "You're welcome. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" I ask confused on why he is sorry for anything.

"About Jade." He whispers as a hand runs through his now wind blown hair.

I shake my head and take the offered shirt he was wiping my face with, "Don't apologize for her. It isn't your fault by any means."

"I'll see you later, Beck." I tell him and walk off before he can say anything else.

I receive snickers, concerned looks, and questioning eyebrows as I head inside to go find my sister. I ignore them all, because I know if I try to explain what happened out there, I will end up breaking down in front of whoever is around, and I can't have that. Jade would feed on it. She's like a damn succubus, emotion eater, and vampire all wrapped into one. She is whom I dream of the most, and more often than not, we are being intimate with each other. Maybe she is some kind of hybrid and has me under her power. It makes some type of sense, right? I am her puppet and am under her very control, which is why I feel so drawn to her. She made me fall, hard, and is now toying with me until I cannot take it anymore.

Until I break.

That has to be it, because seriously, why would I put my own self through this torture? How can I still love her after this if she doesn't control my will?

Where the hell is my sister?

"Tori?" I look up from the floor where I was watching my feet carry me to the bathroom.

Lane is standing outside his office door, talking with our history teacher, and they both gaze at me worriedly.

"I spilt my coffee." I croak out, voice raspy from holding in my cries and tears.

"H-Have you, have you seen Trina?" I stutter out, throat tightening with every word.

"No, but why don't you go with Mrs. Yonders to the restroom and I'll go find her." Lane replies in concern, offering both of their help.

I nod and let her lead me to the bathroom, where she has me lean against one of the sinks while she wets some paper towels. I bite my tongue to keep from becoming a sobbing mess as she softly wipes my face of the lingering, sticky, coffee. My chin trembles from the effort of holding back and I feel a few tears escape my clenched eyes anyway.

"Tori, what happened, sweetie?" She inquires just as softly as her strokes across my face.

I shake my head though, not being able to answer because of the strain on my throat. I swallow several times, trying to force the lodged lump in my throat, down. More tears leak from my eyes, signaling just how much distress I am really in. I grasp onto the sink behind me and clamp down on it as hard as I can, wanting to cease the emotional pain coursing through my body.

"If someone did this to you, then you need to tell me so they won't get away with it." She encourages me to reveal the culprit, already knowing it wasn't an accident.

Thing is, if I tell her or anyone who it was, then Jade will go fully rouge on my ass. This is so wrong; I should not be in love with someone that I am also afraid of.

I shouldn't be, but I am.

Before I can make a sound decision, the bathroom door swings open and Trina blows in like a hurricane, eyes frantic and searching. Once they land on me, she hurries over, a set of clothes in hand. Mrs. Yonders respectfully (Wisely) moves out of the way so my sister can take her place in taking care of me. Trina sets the clothes aside and roams over my face with -rare for her- worried eyes. The door opens and closes again, but we both ignore it. I can't seem to look away from Trina's face as my tears now flow freely.

"Who?" She grounds out; face hardening into indignation.

"Ouch, Vega, that must have hurt like a bitch." Jade's sarcastic, mock sympathy voice fills the amounting silence and tension.

Trina and I turn our heads and look over to the door; Jade is standing there, arms crossed and her infamous smirk in place.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" I ask her tiredly, my own voice coming out in barley a whisper.

"Me leave you alone? Why the hell can't you leave my boyfriend alone?" She scoffs incredulously, arms uncrossing so she can take a threatening step forward.

"Back off, Jade." Trina stands in front of me, blocking Jade from my view.

I hear Jade laugh, and usually her laughter makes me smile, but not this time,

"What are you going to do, Trina, poison me with one of your beauty products that obviously doesn't work?"

"Maybe. Or… maybe I'll just kick your ass." Trina, unfazed by Jade's quip, bites back.

"Ohh, is that right? 'You' are going to kick 'my' ass? I'd like to see you try. In fact, I would pay. I'm not-"

"Stop, please, just stop it." I whimper out, head falling to rest on Trina's strong shoulder blade.

Silence is my response, silence that stretches until it is deafening as the tension builds up uncomfortably. Trina is tense under me, but only because she is coiled to strike out at Jade if she moves to try something, something like roaring a battle cry before tackling us both to kill two birds with one stone. Luckily, my sister knows karate and I trust her to protect me if things really get out of hand. I hope that they don't. Trina's body relaxes noticeably, and I bravely peer over her shoulder to see what is going on. The door is closing and Jade is thankfully nowhere in sight. I let out a breath as my head flops back down to Trina's now coffee stained shirt.

"Have I told you how wonderful you are lately?" I ask her and laugh nervously, not sure what she is going to do or say now that we are alone.

I stumble back when she suddenly whirls around, and have to hold onto the sink to keep my balance. She looks at me with mixed emotions, some of which I'm not even sure if they are pointed at me or if they are left over from having to deal with Jade. The few that stick out the most is the worry still in her eyes, anger, confusion, and then determination.

Should I be afraid? Probably. Am I afraid? Most definitely.

"No more lies or avoidance. We're talking about this as soon as we're tucked safely at home, and in your room." She outright ignores the honest compliment given and dives straight in to what she needs to say. (Though, she may have thought that I was trying for said avoidance, when in fact, I really just wanted to let her know how I felt right then and there.)

What I'm feeling now, however, is anxiety and a sense of foreboding. I have a choice to make. Either I go home and risk telling my sister of my feelings for Jade, or I continue with how things are now and try to lie my way out of the crater I am digging myself in. Maybe asking for Trina wasn't the best idea… I bite my bottom lip in deep thought while gazing at her in contemplation, but when the ire burns out of her expression and leaves only pleading, brown orbs, my decision is made for me. I nod my consent and look off to an 'interesting' spot on the bathroom wall. It is quite lovely… I hear Trina shuffle away, and then the paper towel dispenser followed shortly by running water.

4:00PM is slow to roll around yet goes by too quickly for my liking. I'm not sure which is worse, staying in hell with the hybrid demon lurking around, waiting for her next meal, or going home to talk with my sister about the most serious and scariest subject in the world of one Tori Vega. They are both pretty damn intimidating, but the former can be avoided, while the latter… not so much. At least, not for that long without an impending blow up as an end result to continuous holding back from my dearest and only sister.

Once home, -Thankfully, Trina decided to give me a ride. Though, that is probably because she is afraid that I'll run away without spilling my inner most thoughts - I instantly spot Mom in the kitchen cooking dinner, I walk in and kiss her on the cheek as a greeting, before rummaging in the fridge for something to drink. I am almost tempted to nab either one of the Bud Light Limes that Mom likes so much, or one of Dad's Budweiser's. A clearing of a throat causes me to jump, yank my hand back from 'almost' grabbing the Bud Light Lime, and turn around guiltily, thinking that I've been caught red-handed.

Trina smirks at me and shakes her head no, "I have the good stuff in my room."

I sigh in relief and then smile in understanding, "Two glasses of coke coming right up."

She nods, approving the choice, and then heads out the room and up the stairs. Eh, nothing wrong with a little liquid courage, right? Apparently, the best sister in the whole wide world doesn't think so, and as I've mentioned before, she knows me. She has already figured out that this isn't some little altercation or stupid boy troubles; she knows that it is bigger than that, though, I doubt she knows quite how big… And it is possible that she may not want to know once she does. Yeah, nothing wrong with a little liquid courage at all. I fill two glasses with ice and coke and then smile at mom before making my way to the staircase. I find Trina already sitting on my bed, a bottle of clear liquid sitting the nightstand beside her.

I quickly shut the door with my foot, not wanting Mom to magically appear and catch us before we even get the bottle open. I set the glasses down and let Trina fill them up, seeing as she has more experience with alcohol then me. Thankfully, not by much, she doesn't drink that often, just on special occasions such as this one. She hands me mine while taking her own and sipping from it, and unlike her, I just about down half in one go, feeling like I need it to kick in fast before I start pouring my heart out. Trina chokes on hers as she watches me, and then quickly reaches for my glass, pulling it away with a surprised look on her face, "Damn, Tor, easy."

I glance away, pouting as I pick at the hem of my shirt nervously.

"Come here." She sighs and beckons me over; I listen, slump over to the bed, and then hesitantly sit down, making sure to leave ample space between us.

"You've never been this nervous talking to me before." She takes note, eyes studying me worriedly as she hands the drink back over.

I stay silent for a moment, giving myself time to drink 'more eloquently' from the now half-empty glass.

"I'm scared." I admit softly, voice laced with anxiety.

"What are you so scared of?" She asks just as softly, moving closer.

I swallow as my eyes dart around the room, looking at anything but her, "You."

I feel her scoot closer, the covers ruffling, "I don't understand."

I take a shaky breath and swallow down that liquid courage, face already becoming warm, "I'm afraid that you'll hate me."

"W-What? Tori, we may get on each other's nerves, as sisters usually do, but I could never hate you." Apparently appalled that I would ever think that, she protests strongly, which honestly makes me feel slightly relieved from hearing such conviction coming out of her mouth."

Only slightly though. I am still terrified.

"Hate may have been too strong of a word. Maybe disgusted and ashamed fits better." I mumble out, still not being able to look her in the eye.

"God, Tori, what kind of sister do you think I am? I know we've had our problems, but do you honestly think so low of me? There is nothing that you could do - Bar murdering a helpless, innocent baby - that would ever make me disgusted or ashamed of my own sister. So, unless you have been running around maiming babies, please just tell me, because the suspense is killing me." Damn. Well, that is one way to make feel like an ass! Now I feel all guilty inside for not trusting her more than this.

"It's nothing that I've done, it's what I, no; who I am. And no, before you ask, I'm not a baby killer." I start off, building up to it with a stupid, nervous, joke.

I finish off my drink, feeling the burn of vanilla vodka scorching my throat as it goes down. Whew, she certainly did not hold back while mixing those drinks. I grow even more nervous when I attempt a look in her direction, she has her arms crossed with a not so amused expression on her flushed face. Yeah, her drink is gone too.

"..." I breath out in one go, but even to me my own words are indiscernible.

"You want to try that again?" No, not really.

"I-I like Jade." Ok, so, like may be an understatement, but it's better to just test out the waters first.

"You… like… Jade." She says it slowly, as if making sure she heard me right. "How anyone can like that bitch is beyond me."

"Trina!" I gasp, shocked, and then hit her arm in response.

"She's mean to you, Tori! Tell me, is she the one who poured coffee on you, again?" She yells at me in disbelief, hands flinging out to point at my changed clothes.

"I, well, yes! But are you not getting what I said? I just told you that I-"

"That you like Jade. I don't get it though, Tor, you have a great group of friends. All Jade does is bring you down." She cuts me off with an eye roll, and then tells me things that I already know and don't understand myself. How am I going to explain how I really feel, when I don't even get why or how I feel this way?

And why is she not freaking out? Well, she is, but only because it's Jade. Maybe she 'really' doesn't get it.

"Trina, I don't want to be Jade's friend." That gets her attention; she looks at me, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I want to be more." I whisper, but make sure it is loud enough for her to hear.

I fidget with the blanket, waiting for understanding to hit her, and then when it does her eyes go wide and her mouth opens in an 'O'

"Oh." She blinks several times, obviously trying to process the new, unexpected information.

I have to look away, because if she reacted that badly to thinking I liked Jade… then there is no telling how she is going to react to me 'Liking' Jade.

"Girl's, dinner is ready!" Mom's loud voice through the door startles us both, and Trina quickly tucks the alcohol under my cover in case Mom comes in.

Luckily, she doesn't. Using this as a 'Saved by the bell' type situation, I bolt without waiting on any type of reaction from my sister.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Here we are, chapter 4, I hope it's okay because I worked really hard on it today, trying to finish it up so I could update for those of you still reading.

Speaking of, thank you guys, any and all reviews are much appreciated, as well as any alerts. ^.^

Warnings: A mature reference? towards the end, though it doesn't go into detail. Yet.

Don't own Victorious, blah blah blah :(

Enjoy?

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><p>Thursday, 6:00am<p>

My eyes flutter open as the bed dips beside me, I blink, trying to figure out what is going on, but the sudden weight pressing on my pillow and the radiating warmth from another body tells me that it's just Trina. I know that it is her because we both have done this before; it all depends on who needs the comforting. Sometimes I end up in her bed, or like now, she will end up in mine. I think on if I should turn around, on one hand, she can't be too 'disgusted' at me, but on the other, she is more than likely going to want an explanation. I almost wish I hadn't ran off to bed early last night, so that we could have finished our talk, or at least so Trina could have finished her gaping.

"You awake?" She whispers close, probably having felt me move or something.

Or maybe it's the fact that she hears my heart pounding?

"Yes." I rasp out in my usual 'just woke up' voice.

"C-Can I ask you something?" She questions hesitantly, as if she is afraid that she will scare me off.

I take a deep breath and nod, hoping that whatever she is about to ask won't be too hard for me to answer.

"Are you-do you like girls?" Well, this is not how I pictured waking up; however, it could be worse.

"Yes." I answer honestly, knowing that if I lie now, it could break her trust.

Besides, I guess I may be a little tired of being afraid, and of hiding who I am.

"So… do you like guys at all?" She asks curiously, not one bit sounding like she is repulsed.

I don't relax just yet though; I need this whole conversation to be over first.

"No. I-I thought I did, but then I realized that the few I have kissed, I didn't feel even a fraction of what I felt whenever Cat looks at me with those striking, innocent eyes, or when I catch myself looking at some girls long, sexy legs o-or when Jade hugged me for the first time." Oh, Lord, did I really just say all of that?

By the subtle shakes behind me, I would say yes, I really did just insert foot into mouth.

"If you're just gonna lay there and laugh at me, I'm leaving." I huff at her, annoyed that she finds this so amusing, and then move to roll out of bed.

An arm around my waist stops me, "No, no, I'm sorry. Stay. This is just a lot to wrap my head around, Tor."

"Trust me, I know. How do you think I feel?" I grumble, but lay back and let her hold me.

"I could only imagine what you're going through, and even then, I wouldn't really know. I do understand why you were scared to tell me, but you should know by now that even as your older, annoying sister, I will always have your back. I mean, don't get me wrong, this is a hell of a shocker, Tori. I had no clue whatsoever that you were an um lesbian… I can handle that though, I have nothing against you people-wait that came out wrong. I just mean that uh you're my sister and I will always love you no matter what." She finishes off her little speech sheepishly, obviously trying her best to get the right words out, but failing on some accounts… That's ok, though, because the point is that she tried and that is all that matters.

"Thank you. I thought, I was just afraid that you would want to disown me, you know?" I admit, becoming just as sheepish as her, but also guilty.

"I'll admit to being a little hurt that you would think that, but I also understand. What I don't understand, though-"

"Is why Jade? First, I'm really sorry that I didn't trust you more, my intentions weren't to hurt you, they were to protect myself and our relationship. Second, I don't understand why I feel the way I feel for Jade either. You were right before, all she does is bring me down, but there is something about her that we don't see on the surface, it is buried deep, but it's there. I know it. I've seen flashes in her eyes, sometimes its compassion, sometimes its worry, and sometimes, when I'm paying close enough attention, its hurt and loneliness."

"I understand, Tori. Just, next time? Don't be afraid to come to me, because if you want to protect our mushy, sisterly relationship, you have to trust me. Now, about Jade, you are right, why her? Even after what you've said, I don't see how you can look past everything she has done to you. Has she ever looked at you with any of those emotions?" I feel one weight lifted off me, but another replaces it, so how am I supposed to talk about Jade to my sister when she hates the raven-haired temptress?

"No, she reserves those rare, vulnerable expressions when it involves Beck, Cat, or when she thinks no one is paying any attention to her. I realize getting her to like me is near impossible, and getting her to love me is as possible as hell freezing over, but I have tried to lock away my feelings and it has not worked. I don't know what to do, Trina. She is so mean to me, and a lot of that is because she thinks I am after Beck, hell; everyone thinks that I am after Beck. I have never liked him, even when we staged kissed. I just wanted to make Jade jealous." I explain the best I can, making sure she knows I'm as confused about my feelings as she is, and that I am not in some fantasy world where I believe I can get Jade to suddenly love me.

I know that I can't, I mean, that is just ridiculous.

"It killed you to help get Beck and Jade back together. That's why you have been so down lately. I thought you were in love with Beck, especially after your latest Slap update, which I can't even believe you put up by the way…" Understandings dawns on her as she works it all out and tugs me to looks at her.

"That wasn't supposed to go up, I was about to erase it, but accidentally hit the update button when I literally ran into Jade. She thinks I wrote it about Beck too. Also, the reason she threw coffee at me, was because I had to get a ride to school from her boyfriend this morning. Oh, and as I was panicking, I slammed the car door into her." I laugh humorlessly, retailing everything I have managed to do wrong, which resulted in more hate from the girl I love.

"Oh, honey, you've got it bad. Well, as your sister, this would be the part where I help you get the girl; however, I'm not sure I want to." She pats my head, grimacing at my situation, and though I cannot say that I blame her, would she really consider helping me?

"So… what would your advice be if this were some other girl? Or even a guy I've fallen in love with?" I try, hoping that she will cave for her favorite sister.

"Hm… first, you would need to-"

**xXx**

11:00am Sikowitz classroom.

I'm nervous as hell right now and I'm not sure listening to Trina was such a good idea, because I don't think it's very good for ones heart to feel like it is about to palpitate right out their chest.. Nevertheless, I cannot back down now. Phase one; Let Jade know that you are not interested in Beck. Trina's advice? Confidently walk up to Jade, Talk to Jade, tell Jade that you have no feelings whatsoever for Beck, and then finish it off with a compliment. We both already established that this would result in a glare and a well-placed insult, but I'm not supposed to become discouraged, because it is going to take more than one try to even chip at Jade's defenses.

As soon as Beck walks in, I look around for his girlfriend, but she isn't with him. Maybe he wasn't lying when he told Jade that he would not talk to her until she fixed what happened in the parking lot yesterday. Beck isn't one for going back on his promises. Andre and Cat walk in next. I sigh and walk over to Beck, hoping he will at least know where she is,

"Hey, have you, um, seen Jade?"

"No, not since last period. I haven't talked to her at all either and I won't until she has apologized to you." He answers defeatedly, not liking being away from her, but still angry.

"I think that's very brave, but I'm going to make it a little easier for both of you, just as soon as I find her." I tell him, smile, and then squeeze his shoulder.

"How?" He whispers with furrowed eyebrows, confused.

"Hey! Just because 'my' boyfriend isn't talking to me, doesn't mean that you can swoop in and feel him up!" Aw, man! Why is it that I always miss when she walks in?

"Good luck." Beck pats my hand that is still on his shoulder and gives me a look of sympathy.

"You don't happen to have a rabbit's foot, horseshoe, or a four leaf clover, do you?" I squeak out as Jade storms over, eyes darting from Beck to her.

"No, only my lucky pair of boxers." Yeah, I don't think Jade would like it too much if I took those from him…

"Thanks anyway. Hi, Jade!" Wow, I didn't know my voice could go as high as Cat's could…

"Don't hi me, Vega! Just get the hell away from me!" She yells, loudly, and pushes me none too gently, making me stumble backwards into the chairs.

I lose my balance and then I am falling, my eyes close, preparing for impact, but arms catch me before I land.

"Damn, why didn't you let the twig fall? I am actually surprised her tiny body didn't drift out the window. That would have been more fun." Jade, obviously upset that I didn't get hurt, makes a dig about my weight with absolutely no remorse on her face, just that damn, infuriating smirk.

"Don't listen to her, Tori, you're very pretty." Cat hugs me from behind, trying her best to comfort me.

I'm elated that she is the one who caught me, it would have been too cliché if it had been one of the guys, "Thanks, kitty Cat."

I don't know if she said that because she thinks it, or if she was trying to make me feel better, but no matter what Cat thinks, Jade will never see me as anything but ugly. I move from her grasp, needing some space, and needing more than anything right now, to talk to Jade. I lock my eyes on my target, who is trying to get Beck to talk to her, without any success, and then gaining some pseudo courage and puffing out my chest, I head straight for her. My hand is out, prepared to latch onto her wrist. She looks up as if sensing me, and her face goes from frustrated at Beck, to glaring at me, and then to smirking as I close the distance between us. I don't say anything, but my fingers circle her wrist and I snatch her away.

"Excuse you! What the hell do you think you're doing? Let go of me, Vega!" Her yells go ignored, as do her attempts at pulling free.

I lug her out the room and into the closest empty classroom, I want to talk to her alone, but I also want to be as close to Sikowitz as possible in case I have to end up running for my life, which I really hope I do not have to do. I close the door behind us, stand in front of it, and then finally let go of her.

She jerks her hand to her body as if I had hurt it, maybe I did if the rubbing she is doing to it is any indication…

Or maybe she's trying to wipe my germs off her skin.

"Why did you drag me here? Do you have some kind of death wish?" She growls threateningly and I feel myself flinch.

The smirk she throws my way is the last straw.

"I want to get one thing straight, Jade. I do not like Beck, I have never liked Beck, nor will I ever like Beck the way you do. Beck is my friend and only my friend, nothing more, nothing less; do you go that? That boy loves you, and though many people may not be able to see why, I-he does." Crossing my arms and putting on a mask, I give it to her straight.

And… I almost slipped up. I hope she didn't catch that…

"Oh, and by the way, I like your hair. I've always liked your hair." I toss in when she stands there not saying anything, and then before she can, I make my escape.

My nerves are shot, and I am starting to shake. Though I feel somewhat sick now after standing up to her for once, I feel good about it too. Proud. I just hope to God that she believes me, because I really don't know what else to do to prove myself without 'showing' her just how wrong she is. Now that I've gotten that out the way, according to Trina, I have to immediately move on to phase two; See if there is even a 1% chance that Jade could ever like you as merely a friend. How am I supposed to do this you ask? Well, the first step is to attempt to sit by her at every opportunity possible, and then when I feel brave enough, I am to try to strike up a simple conversation with her. If I am knocked down… Try, try again.

As soon as Jade strides back into the classroom and plops heavily down onto her seat, I hesitantly walk over from my spot standing by Cat's chair and sit beside her. She doesn't even glance my way, and I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Is she planning to ignore me now? I'm not sure which is worse, being ignored or being prayed on. I sigh and look away, not wanting to fret over it. Maybe she is just trying to process what I said and is contemplating on whether to believe me or not. I hope for my sake that it sinks in. Mr. Sikowitz carries on his blabbering, and eventually points to Andre, Cat and Robbie to try something out on our small stage.

Even Cat's great (odd) acting doesn't hide how sick she looks.

When lunch comes, our usual group is divided into two, one table holding Beck, Andre, Robbie and Rex, while the other holds Trina, Cat, and Jade. I look around, pretending to think on where I should sit, when I already know I will be sitting by Jade. I set my food down and scooch in beside her (Maybe a little closer than necessary…) She points a look at me; somewhere between confused and glaring for my seating choice, I shrug and start eating. I expect her to become irritated and leave, but all she does is tense up and continue eating. That gives me the little extra courage I need to try to start up some type of conversation. however, as I look around and try to think of something to say, nothing good comes to mind.

It all seems lame and pointless.

I glance around again, eyes catching Trina's, and she gives me a subtle nod of encouragement.

"Oh, hey, I see you have decided to try something new, I've never had the burrito deluxe either, is it good?" There, a simple question about food, that's a start.

God, Could I be any lamer? What else was I supposed to say, though? I notice everything about her.

"Why are you talking to me?" She gruffs out, stabbing said burrito with her fork.

"Is there a law I don't know about that says I can't talk to you?" I retort back, already having expected a rebuttal from her.

"Yes. It says that under no circumstances may Tori loser Vega speak to Jade West. And under that it states; if this law is ever broken, the penalty is death by scissors." Her quick wit is dished out with her famous smirk, followed by a snip snip with a pair of scissors in my face... Pulled from only God knows where.

"Well, maybe I want to take my chances and defy the law." I oh-so-bravely set my lips close to her ear and boldly whisper where no one can hear me.

Perhaps a little more flirtatiously than I intended to.

"You're such a freak, Vega." She scoffs at me, eyes rolling condescendingly.

I will myself not to frown at that even as my heart clenches in pain, "You're getting sloppy with your material, Jade. Tell me something I don't know."

At least we are talking, right?

"Speaking of material, what are you getting yours out of, The Quickest Way To Die For Dummies?" Ok, despite everything being directed at me, her wisecrack attitude has always been one of the things that I happen to love about her, you know, except when it hurts.

Luckily, though, this is kind of... fun?

For the moment.

"I don't have to read to come up with anything, which is more than I can say for you, because I could have sworn I saw Bullying For Dummies in your locker the other day." I retort before I have a chance of chickening out, her facial expressions are becoming a little more than scary.

"My my, aren't you a brave little toaster today? Listen, I don't know what the hell you are drinking, but I suggest you stop before it bites you in the ass. And you know how I just love a good meal." Uh oh, someone is getting just a little frustrated and a lot angry. I swear some of the things she says and the way she says them sends my mind right into the-

"Kinky. I didn't know you were into ass play."

Gutter.

Oh, God, her face! Shock. Pure, unadulterated Shock. Oh, and it's gone. And… here comes the mother of all withering, icy glares.

She stands, not saying a word, and then leaving her food right where it is, walks off.

Yeah, not so fun anymore.

"Damn, Tori, if you weren't my sister, I would totally be in love with you right now." Trina breaks the awkward silence, making us all laugh.

Cat's laugh isn't as loud as it usually is… Poor thing still doesn't feel very well.

"I think I may have gotten a little carried away. If this hasn't made Jade snap, then I don't know how many more accidental reasons it will take for her to kill me." I voice my very real worries now that the adrenaline of bantering with Jade West has worn off.

"I think a little is an understatement… But don't worry over that, tell us how it felt!" Trina replies with a short-term grimace that turns into excitement.

I push the fear of retaliation way, way down, "It felt really, really good." I allow myself to smile in remembrance of her face.

"I am so proud of you! I didn't expect it to go this way, and I'm sure nether did you, but if you continue talking to her and being really brave, you might be able to knock some of her defenses down, at least enough to be able to become civil with each other. Before we can move onto phase three, though, you need to get at least one normal, un-hateful word out of her, plus one real, genuine smile. A half or lopsided one counts. However, having said that, it might be best to call it a day and try again tomorrow." Trina rarely shows how much she cares for me out in public, but on these rare occasions, I could not feel more loved.

"What's phase three?" Cat asks from beside her, a look of curiosity and confusion etched on a pale face.

Of course you can tell that she is still tan, but now that she is sick, her complexion is more, well, sickly.

But no less beautiful.

"Wait, what's phase one and two?" She asks before we have a chance to answer her first question.

I am now nervous once again, because I'm not sure whether to tell Cat the truth or not. And then as Trina looks at me for what to say, I remember how hurt and confused she was when I held everything in, and even more hurt when I didn't trust her enough to say anything in the first place. I cannot do that to my Kitty Cat too.

"I-I'll tell you, but not here, ok? How about you come over after school and we'll fill you in." I finally respond, looking in her eyes so that she'll know I am telling the truth.

"Kay Kay." She beams at me, and stands up to leave.

We follow suit.

As we all go to head back inside, Cat pauses at the door, "Hey, Tori?"

"Yeah?"

"What's ass play?" My eyes widen as the words leave her mouth, and I can only blink at her as she stares at me expectantly with those damn innocent eyes.

Oh, dear Lord.

"I, uh, I-"

"Oh, sweetie, what she means is that, we'll um explain that after school too, ok?" Wha… I will do no such thing!

"Okay!" The bubbly redhead beams again, opens the door, and then disappears inside.

"Thanks a hell of a lot, Trina!" I glare, hard, at my sister and follow Cat inside.

Please, God, let school be better tomorrow.

Or else I might die.

Literally.

* * *

><p>So, I would love to know what you think, good, bad, ok? what you do or don't like? Anything really, I don't bite. (Unless you're into that?) ;)<p>

Thank you for reading, much love to you all.


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